In mastering self-commitment, I make a pact with myself to honour my commitments. No matter how small or how big. If I say to myself or others that I am going to do something, I do it. If it doesn’t float my boat, I say No. If it does, I say Yes. If I’m indecisive or flakey I am curious about whats going on for me. This means that I have learned to say NO as much as YES. Both are strong. Who I am being in all areas of my life is who I am in my commitments.

Otherwise, I would be run ragged trying to do and be everything for everyone else. Which of course could lead to burn out, overwhelm and/or flakiness and procrastination. If I am to have balance in my life, be who I want to be and bring my desires into fruition, I practice my NO as much as my YES! 

This is how I have learned to choose me and set clear boundaries. It has been a journey to get here and I continue to work on this!

Where Boundaries and Responsibility Meet?

I would define boundaries as knowing where I end, and the other person begins. ‘ I’ refers to my thoughts, beliefs, needs, physical and emotional space. This is a simple definition that I follow but not as easy as it sounds. It is about taking personal responsibility for myself, my inner terrain and working through my own reactivity, conditioning and beliefs.

If everyone in this world took responsibility for themselves first, there would be much more healthy discussion rather than unhealthy conflict that is filled with ‘blame’. Disagreement and anger are healthy when they do not include ‘blame’ or ‘projection’. And there is nothing to defend if you are clear about who you are.  Asserting where the responsibility lies will involve mastering a clear Yes or No.

Mastering self-commitment is as much about saying NO as it is about saying YES. I cannot stress this enough.

Do you have a Pattern of People Pleasing?

If people pleasing is a habitual pattern, saying NO and discerning when to say it, helps assert boundaries and honours your own values and truth. It helps for you to take personal responsibility and it also helps you to allow other people to take responsibility for themselves. The other person will not always do this. That is NOT up to you. You are only responsible for YOU and mastering self-commitment for yourself.

This is why it is important to learn, to know yourself, to own or take responsibility for what is yours, to grow and expand, from the inside out. 

This will lead to more honest, open, authentic, deeper and intimate relationships. In a relationship that is important in your life, this journey of self discovery and personal responsibility is worth it. It is not always easy.

The alternative is often to enable others to play out dysfunction which might be the role of victim, child, or self-saboteur. You help people by allowing them to take responsibility for themselves. Easier said than done, this can be difficult to learn if it’s one of your deep-seated patterns. You can be embedded in a complicated and compulsive narrative about what is going on, which is tied up in your conditioned beliefs, trauma, social and generational conditioning.

In relationship to others, discerning when to use YES or NO is mastering self-commitment and will help to establish clear boundaries, for self-trust, for others to trust me and for mutual respect. All of which will help foster deeper, meaningful relationships. 

Procrastination and Mastering Self-Commitment to Get Things Done

If procrastination around committing to a YES or a NO is a habit, commitment helps to make decisions, assert authority, and make things happen in your life. 

Of course, it is important to set yourself up for success. If I make a commitment to cycling across Italy, I will go out and train on my bike in all weathers in the months preceding the event. If I make a commitment at work to a client or a supplier, I will follow through. If I make a commitment to a meeting, I will show up on time. If my husband wants me to do something for him and I don’t agree with it, I will say NO and have a discussion. Or I might say that I am not ready to commit to this yet.

How do you set yourself up for Success?

‘Later’ or  ‘when I feel like it’ are flaky and lead to more procrastination. To get out of this cycle be clear about your commitments and act. This means that sometimes we say NO. Mastering self-commitment is about honouring your word. If this is a sticking point for you, read of my blog which addresses this here:

The Power in Clarity and Setting the Scene up for Success

When you are clear about what you want and what action you are willing to take you avoid misunderstandings and confusion. Other people trust your integrity and know that you are your word. Who you are being in your commitments is who you are in every area of your life. 

 In my life, when I create a habit or a routine that I want to commit to, in the first place, I will think about consistency and quantity over quality. I want to build a habit first by focusing on action and how often (quantity). Next,  I will work on increasing the length of time or the effort level (quality). I will decide on a plan that I know I can commit to. The more I practice this, the more I become my commitments. 

There is a caveat here, I am allowed to change my mind without self-judgement. 

Its important to be  honest with myself around what is my motive for changing my mind. For example, if it is because I now have new information, or I found something else more effective as opposed to making an excuse for giving up on myself. I check in with my body, my system and I focus in on what it wants for success. The action I take often follows the commitment I make. I will use plans, get organised, follow systems to help me achieve success.  I did a video recently that speaks to why we deceive ourselves which you can watch here:

How Mastering Self-Commitment Raises Self-Awareness?

As you make real commitments, mastering self-commitment will force you to evaluate your own priorities and values. You are clear on what is important to you and align that with your desires. Taking personal responsibility means that you get to know who you are being, what’s important  and what you want in your life. This leads to self-trust and integrity. This is where your power begins to shine. 

Mastering self-commitment is not about beating yourself with a stick. 

I make commitments to myself in my life and to others. 

It is a silent inner energetic commitment. 

Not important for anyone else to know. Mastering Self-commitment is your personal responsibility,

When I show up in my life I have a clear YES or NO, in my business, in my health and in my relationships. 

Overall, making commitments to yourself is essential for personal growth, accountability, and success in life. It reflects your dedication to living authentically and pursuing what truly matters to you.

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